“If someone lies, they’re known as a liar. If someone kills, they’re known as a murderer. So what would people call me if they knew I had an abortion?” – Jeniah
Trauma, regret, and shame have a way of shaping us. When we experience a traumatic event or make a choice we regret, we can start to confuse the trauma with who we are as a person—we can start to believe that we are nothing more than the choices we’ve made or the trauma we faced.
If you’ve had an abortion(s) and find yourself struggling emotionally, please know you are not your abortion. While your feelings of grief, regret, guilt, or shame may seem overwhelming, your identity is so much greater, deeper, and more complex than any one decision or experience.
Read on to learn more about how to work through the trauma of your abortion experience to rediscover your identity. (Looking for a safe space to talk? We’re here for you.)
Understanding Your Worth Beyond the Experience
Feeling stuck or consumed by your abortion experience is understandable, especially if you’re dealing with unresolved emotions or trauma. However, it’s crucial to recognize that while abortion can shape you, it doesn’t define you. Your worth is intrinsic and not diminished by your past choices or circumstances.
Your identity is made up of your passions, values, dreams, and innate worth as a person. Your abortion experience is just one chapter in your story—one that doesn’t determine the outcome of your entire journey.
Steps to Heal from Your Abortion Experience
Healing from trauma begins with acknowledging your feelings and allowing yourself the freedom to experience them fully.
While healing is a process, there are practical steps you can take to make slow, steady progress:
1. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve
So often, our society rushes the grieving process—or worse yet, tries to force people to hide grief in lieu of “being tough.”
But giving yourself the space and time to grieve is essential for healing. Practically, this might look like making alone time to write about your feelings in a journal and giving yourself permission to feel whatever emotions surface—whether it’s crying because you’re sad or punching a pillow in anger.
2. Connect with Supportive People
While grieving often happens in the quiet of your own home, it’s also important to surround yourself with trusted friends, family members, or professional counselors who offer empathy, compassion, and non-judgmental support. Sharing your story in a safe environment can be incredibly healing and will allow you to move forward through the pain.
3. Seek Professional Counseling
If you don’t have a support network of trusted family or friends, trained counselors can be another route. Trained counselors can provide a safe, welcoming space where you can process difficult emotions and explore underlying feelings; plus, they can provide strategies for coping.
4. Engage in Support Groups
Joining a support group specifically for women who have experienced abortion can be incredibly therapeutic. Hearing others’ stories and knowing you’re not alone can significantly reduce feelings of shame and loneliness and allow you to find connection.
At Choices, we provide a safe, confidential environment to process your feelings, receive support, and find community—both in person and online.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
Most importantly, be kind to yourself.
Healing from trauma takes time, and being patient with yourself through this process is essential. Remember, it’s okay not to have everything figured out right away.
Rediscovering Your Identity
Working through your abortion experience also involves rediscovering and reclaiming your identity beyond it. Consider these ways to help reconnect with who you truly are:
1. Revisit Your Passions
Replaying your abortion experience over and over in your head can make you feel like it’s who you are, but reconnecting with your passions can help get your mind off the trauma and remember who you are.
What in your life brings you joy and fulfillment? Allow yourself the freedom to explore and enjoy these aspects of life again.
2. Cultivate New Interests
What’s something new that you’ve always wanted to explore? Whether it’s creative arts, sports, volunteering, or joining community activities, new experiences can help build a sense of purpose and identity.
3. Reflect on Your Values
Spend time journaling or reflecting on your core values and beliefs. Understanding what matters most to you can ground you and help you make choices aligned with your true self.
You’re Not Alone in This
Remember, your abortion experience doesn’t define you—and you’re not alone as you navigate your trauma and sense of identity.
At Choices, we’re here for you. You—and your story—matter to us. You deserve a space where you won’t find judgment. We’re ready to help. We provide a safe, confidential environment to process your feelings, receive support, and find community.
Don’t face this alone. Reach out today and let us walk alongside you. All resources and support are free and confidential.