“I didn’t expect to feel bad for so long. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over what I did. I always think about who they would have been.” — Amy
Imagine a green pasture. On the surface, you see soft, lush grass. But if you start digging, you’ll begin to see dark dirt. Keep going deeper; eventually, you’ll come across rocks and other sediment. And the deeper you go, the more surprises you’ll find.
The same is true of the grief recovery process after an abortion. The deeper you go, the more unexpected layers you will discover. While these layers might feel uncomfortable and difficult, you will move closer to emotional recovery and healing with every uncovered layer.
The Layers of Abortion Grief Recovery
It’s important to note that everyone’s grief experience is unique and complex. While one woman might initially feel relief after an abortion and grief months or years down the road, other women might feel immediate regret, shame, or more. No matter how you’re feeling right now—your experience is valid and understandable.
While every woman’s experience of grief is unique, there are common signs to look out for that indicate you’re making progress.
The following includes a list of the different layers of grief recovery and what you might experience in each layer. (It’s essential to note that abortion grief recovery isn’t a linear process, which means that you won’t find these layers in any particular order—and you might go through one, only to go through it again later on.)
Recognizing Your Grief
One of the layers of recovering from the grief of your abortion is recognizing that you’re grieving.
You might recognize grief as feelings of sadness, loss, or regret, but did you know that grief can present with physical symptoms as well?
If you’ve been feeling unexplained fatigue, headaches, insomnia, upset stomach, heart palpitations, or more—these might be the physical effects of grief.
Recognizing your grief can be difficult, which is why it can help to speak with a grief counselor to learn more about the full range of grief effects.
Personally Expressing Your Grief
Another layer of recovering from grief is giving yourself the time and space to express that grief. Here are some ideas:
- If you’re feeling sadness and regret, it’s okay to cry and let those emotions out.
- If you’re feeling angry and don’t know how to relax, you can channel your feelings into something productive. For example, you can release anger through physical activities like strenuous exercise or even cooking/baking.
Confiding with Someone About Your Grief
Confiding in someone about your grief can provide a sense of release during emotional recovery.
When you share your feelings of grief with another person, it demonstrates that you’ve recognized your grief and are willing and able to express it openly.
This is a significant step and an invaluable way to move forward. If you don’t have anyone in your life you trust, finding a support group can be helpful.
You’re Not Alone in This
At Choices, we understand what you’re going through—and we’re here to let you know that you’re not alone. Hope and healing are possible.
We offer no-cost, one-on-one support or group meetings. Our sessions are led by trained facilitators and offered in person and over Zoom. Our staff has been in your shoes and provides ongoing support as you navigate this grief journey.
Don’t work through the layers of grief recovery alone. Let us walk alongside you. Contact us today. All appointments and resources are free and confidential.