It’s hard to move on when you feel lied to. Feeling betrayed by people you thought you could trust breeds anger, resentment, and shame for allowing yourself to believe the lies.
The culture and media are full of lies when it comes to abortion and abortion providers. The whole truth about the procedure and the potential risks are often not communicated clearly.
So if you’re feeling like you didn’t receive the facts about abortion—and you’re struggling to move forward as a result—you’re not alone. Many women have been in your shoes, however, hope and a path forward are possible.
This article will highlight practical steps you can take to move forward on your healing journey. We believe that healing happens best in the community. You can find a safe, confidential community to process your feelings and receive no-cost support at Choices.
Pinpointing the Cause of Your Feelings
Feeling lied to and betrayed is one of the worst experiences we can face—and this is especially true when the lies come from people we thought we could trust.
The sad reality is that abortion providers profit from abortion, which is why they often don’t tell women the whole truth about what they might experience after an abortion, both physically and emotionally. It’s bad for business.
Many women have come forward to talk about how they felt lied to about their abortion. One woman shares how she wasn’t prepared for the pain she’d feel after taking abortion drugs because no one told her (and then the hospital tried to normalize her pain):
I cried and screamed for eight hours. I was in bed, all alone, in a huge amount of pain. My husband didn’t know what to do. I called the emergency room to tell them I had terrible pain, and they said it was quite normal. I felt like a goner. Because of the pain… and I was so exhausted. With no strength in my body. I don’t remember walking. Like a sack of potatoes, from the bed to the toilet to the shower. Back to bed—vomited. Back to the toilet. [Participant 12]
Other women have shared how they felt betrayed by the abortion provider’s lack of transparency: “They always say it’s a ‘clump of cells.’ But that’s not true. What I saw after taking the abortion pill was a tiny little human baby. And I’ll never get that image out of my head.”
No matter what you experienced personally after your abortion, your feelings of betrayal are valid. And thinking through your own experience and why you feel the way you do is the first step toward healing.
In a private journal, write your answers to the following questions:
- What did the abortion provider/media/friends or family tell me before my abortion?
- What did I expect because of what they told me?
- How was my abortion experience different from what I was led to believe?
- What am I feeling right now because of this broken trust?
Putting this all out on paper will help you start to work through these feelings.
Working Through Feelings of Betrayal
Once your feelings are out in the open on paper, you can begin to work through them one by one.
Here are some practical tips:
1. Acknowledge and accept what’s happened.
You can’t change what’s happened, but you can acknowledge that you were lied to and accept the outcome and your feelings. What you’re going through hurts, but by accepting the hurt instead of fighting against it, the pain will begin to lessen over time.
2. Don’t blame yourself.
When we’ve believed a lie and taken an action we regret as a result, it’s easy to put all the blame on ourselves. We start to think that if only we hadn’t been duped, we wouldn’t be where we’re at now.
But it’s important to remember that hindsight is 20/20. You took action based on the information you had at the time. And even though it hurts right now, letting go of self-blame and forgiving yourself will help you move forward.
3. Forgive those who lied to you.
Forgiving those who hurt you doesn’t mean you’re letting them off the hook. Instead, it means you’re letting go of resentment and choosing inner peace instead.
However, peaceful feelings might not be immediate. After deciding to forgive them, it can take time for your emotions to align with your decision.
Helping Others Will Also Help You Move Forward
A huge part of healing happens when you help others who are on the same path.
If you were lied to by an abortion provider, telling the truth about your abortion experience will help other women have the facts they need to make their own fully informed decisions.
This might look like sharing your testimony with other women who are considering abortion (in whatever ways you feel most comfortable).
The more you tell your story, the more you will fight against the lies and feel empowered to move forward.
We’re Here for You
You—and your story—matter. You deserve a space where you won’t find judgment. At Choices, we’re ready to help.
Choices provides a safe, confidential environment to process your feelings, receive support, and find community. No matter where you are in your after-abortion journey, we are here for you.
Contact us today to schedule a no-cost, confidential appointment and connect with people who understand what you’re going through.