“I still think about it every day, and I wonder if the baby would have been a boy or girl.” —Barbara
“I wish I could know more about the baby. I often imagine what he/she would look like now.” —Anonymous man, 13 years after his partner had an abortion
“The absolute worst thing I have ever done. Words can’t describe the pain and overwhelming guilt that is always with me. I have no one to blame but myself.” —Anonymous woman, 26 years after having an abortion
“I felt like I had no other choice at the time. But I regret my decision, and I’ve had trouble moving past it.” —Sharon*
Regret means wishing you made a different decision. But it can be all-consuming and feel like you’re carrying around a constant, heavy weight.
After an abortion, many men and women feel regret, which can lead to becoming lost in what-ifs: What if I hadn’t had an abortion? What would my baby have been like? How would my life have been different?
If you’re feeling regret after an abortion, it’s important to know that you’re not alone. Recovery is possible. Regret can feel never-ending, but you can take steps to work through these feelings.
Strategies for Working Through Regret and What-Ifs
The road to emotional recovery after an abortion will look different for everyone, but there are small steps you can take to move forward.
Journaling
Journaling is one of the most significant healing exercises when working through regret. While journaling is simply the act of writing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences down on paper, it provides a safe, private space to process what you’re going through.
Although sitting down to a blank piece of paper can be intimidating, answering these questions can help get you started:
- What emotion am I struggling with most right now?
- What helps me feel better?
- What makes me feel worse?
- What would recovery look like for me?
Seek Trusted Support
While journaling is a good first step, seeking trusted support from family, friends, counselors, or a support group will help take you further on your healing journey as you process your feelings of regret.
If left inside your head, regrets can swarm and become uncontrollable until the point where they’re all you can think about. But when you talk with someone you trust, it provides a release valve. The more you talk about what you’re going through, the more these regrets and what-ifs will become manageable.
At Choices, we offer one-on-one and group meetings. Whether you have personally had an abortion, your partner has had one, or a friend or loved one has had an abortion and this event impacted you, we’re here for you.
Our sessions are led by trained facilitators and offered in person and over Zoom. Our staff has been in your shoes and offers ongoing support as you navigate this complex journey.
You’re Not Alone
At Choices, we understand what you’re going through, and we’re here for you. We know that abortion is often one of the most painful experiences a man or woman faces, but we also know that healing and emotional recovery are possible.
Contact us today to find a safe, confidential environment to receive support and find community.
*Names changed for confidentiality