The realization that not everyone is okay after an abortion is a closely guarded secret. If you dare to say something, friends reply, “Well, you made the choice, so why are you crying?” A well-meaning family member says, “Oh, it’ll get better, and after a while, you won’t even think about it.” But is that true?
It seemed like the right thing to do. After all, thousands of women have abortions, right? Yours was just one of many added to the statistics. How is it possible not to be sure it was the right thing to do now?
Women get abortions for various reasons. It’s not the right time to be pregnant; their parents would kick them out of the house; they are in an abusive relationship, and the boyfriend is insisting on an abortion, or they have too many other children to care for. Whatever your reason, it definitely seemed right at the time.
It’s Okay to Question
You have every right to question your decision despite what friends or family may say. People have buyer’s remorse after a car or home purchase. You can rightfully question a job change, a move, or a bad relationship choice. We make many choices in life without knowing the full ramifications.
Having an abortion is a major medical decision, but that doesn’t mean the abortion provider talked with you about the possibility of questioning that decision later. Often, women say no one discussed the potential emotional consequences.
“[My sister] was crying when she entered the clinic, she cried throughout the procedure, and was sobbing as she left. But no one at the clinic asked her any questions.” —Julie, the Unchoice
No matter what your experience was like at the abortion clinic, whether someone spoke with you about potential emotions or not, you have the right to feel the way you do. Your situation is unique to you.
Other Women Share the Same Thoughts
“I was hoping after the abortion I’d be sad for a bit, but ultimately feel relieved and move on…I feel I will always feel sad about the what-ifs. Each week that goes by, I’m going to think about how much they would have grown by now.” —Anonymous Reddit User
Stories abound of women who believed they were doing the right thing, but questioned the
decision afterward. Most women describe a feeling of relief following their abortions. They hoped everything would now go “back to normal” and they could get back to the life they had before. But finding out you are unexpectedly pregnant, making a decision as to how to handle it, and choosing an abortion is life-altering, no matter how you look at it.
“A few days afterwards, I began to feel relief. I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I felt pretty good. But I did not escape the aftermath of abortion. I had nightmares and recurring dreams about my baby. I couldn’t work my job. I just laid in my bed and cried.” —Karen, the Unchoice
It is especially difficult when you feel you can’t be honest about your feelings. You need to have the freedom to say, “Yes, I had an abortion. I thought it was the right choice at the time, but now I’m hurting, and I don’t know what to do.”
“It’s also ok to be totally devastated or anywhere in between. I have had one very close friend also have one and even though she was sure it was the right decision and knew that we would all support her, she felt a lot of shame for a few years…” —Anonymous Reddit User
Here, You Can Be Heard
At Choices, we listen. We hear you. There is no judgment. No matter whether your abortion was a few days ago or a few years ago, we are here for you. With our team, there is no shame in saying, “I had an abortion and I’m struggling.”
We believe in the power of community—the power of people sharing similar experiences and offering support and healing. Your physical and mental health are our top priorities. That is why we provide free after-abortion follow-up care. In addition, we offer free and confidential weekly support meetings, either one-on-one or in a group setting.
“Choices after abortion support has been an encouraging experience that has helped me understand that I’m not alone…Being able to walk alongside others through this healing journey has been transformative. I am very grateful!” —Choices Client
You deserve to be heard and to share openly. Connect with us today.