“I always thought a pregnancy was a bunch of cells that can’t survive outside the uterus. So why do I still think about the baby that could have been every day?” Rosalyn, reflecting on the abortion she had while married.
“I didn’t expect to be sad after the abortion. But the thought of what could have been haunts me,” Cherie.
“I keep thinking about how I barely gave [my baby] any time at all to be with me before I just disposed of them in some trash can in some clinic,” Karol.
Maybe you didn’t think abortion would be that big of a deal since you were told that your baby was just a “clump of cells” that couldn’t survive outside of the uterus, or perhaps you felt that abortion was wrong but felt pressured into the decision. No matter your thoughts about abortion or why you had one, now that you’re on the other side of the decision, you feel haunted by your choice.
Perhaps you can’t stop wondering: What would my baby have looked like? What kind of life could they have had? What if things had been different?
If these thoughts feel overwhelming, know this: you’re not alone. Feeling haunted by your abortion is not uncommon. Many women experience the same emotions—grief, regret, anger, and sadness. What you’re feeling is valid, and healing is possible.
At Choices, we understand what you’re going through, and we’re here to help. This article will help you unpack some of the reasons you might be feeling haunted by your abortion(s) and the steps you can take to move forward. However, if you’re looking for more healing resources, contact us today to schedule a free, confidential appointment and learn about all the ways we’re here to help.
Unpacking the Root of Your Feelings
Many women feel haunted by their abortions, but the reasons behind these emotions vary. Understanding the root of your feelings can be the first step toward healing.
Feeling Lied To
“It’s been over two years, and I still have an uncontrollable amount of grief. I just removed a ‘few cells’ from my body, but I still feel like I’ve murdered my firstborn. It’s a pain you can’t describe to anyone,” Hannah.
The abortion industry often portrays abortion as a simple procedure that removes a “clump of cells.” But for many women, the experience feels far from simple. Like Hannah, you may be wrestling with the realization that your abortion involved more than what you were led to believe.
Feeling angry about the abortion can be one of the reasons you can’t find healing. However, it’s important to recognize that the core of your pain may be grief. Grief is the process of coping with loss—and your feelings are a natural response to what you’ve experienced.
It’s important to know that grief is not a linear process. Instead, it is a journey that can often feel like taking one step forward and two steps back. Struggling along the path of grief is normal, but talking to someone, like a trusted friend, family member, or counselor can help immensely.
Feeling Betrayed
“I didn’t want the abortion. But he did, and he was my whole life at that time,” Jenna shared.
Many women feel pressured into an abortion by their partners, family members, or friends. If you’re like Jenna and went through with an abortion because someone you loved wanted you to, you can be left wondering, How could someone I trust have convinced me to do something so painful?
If you’re feeling betrayed right now, forgiveness can be a powerful step toward healing. But just like grief, forgiveness takes time. It begins with acknowledging your feelings of betrayal and taking a small step: saying to yourself, “I forgive them.” The effects may not be immediate, but as you continue to work through forgiveness in your heart, the weight of that betrayal will begin to lift.
Next Steps
The pain of abortion can feel overwhelming, but healing and hope are within reach. While investigating the root of your emotions is the first step in moving forward, talking to people who understand what you’re going through is equally as important.
At Choices, we recognize the unique pain of abortion, and we’re here to help. We offer no-cost, one-on-one support or group meetings led by trained facilitators. These sessions, available both in-person and over Zoom, provide a safe, compassionate space for healing. Many of our staff have walked this journey themselves and are committed to supporting you every step of the way.
You don’t have to face this alone. Let us walk alongside you. Contact us today. All appointments and resources are completely free and confidential.